situationship.

So you meet this guy & instantly you're attracted to him.  He says all the right things, dresses exactly to your liking, AND wears the best damn cologne you have ever smelled.

You two start 'talking', texting each other non-stop.  You two go out to the movies maybe once or twice, but most of the time you hang out with each other at home.  You get giddy when you see his name pop up on your phone & butterflies whenever he's in the same room as you.  You're just so damn happy.

You decide to wait out on having sex, telling yourself you want this to be different.  You want a relationship based on the mental, not the physical.  If he truly likes you, he'll understand & wait.  Funny enough, he hasn't even tried to sleep with you yet.

You start to believe that this guy may be the one.  You guys talk for hours at a time.  Whenever you hang out with him, time flies.  You two just seem to click, even without the sex.  & after a month or two, you feel yourself start to fall for him.

Then you get drunk & all that sex shit flies out the window.

Suddenly you two are having sex regularly. & while the talks don't get shorter, you still don't have the title.  You still are 'talking' & have no idea exactly what you two are doing.  Too afraid to ask, you start to notice that he doesn't take you out on dates, you just always chill.  You bring it to his attention & he tries to make an effort, but in your head, it's just not good enough.  When you ask him, 'babe what are we?' He simply replies with 'I don't know.'  Or worse, 'what does it matter? We're fine just the way we are.'

& that's just the beginning of a fucking situationship.

I've heard the saying 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk free' when referring to having sex outside of a relationship.  I beg to differ.  Sex isn't the end all, be all.  & while it does play a role when it comes to building a relationship, it doesn't make or break it.  At least I think so.  I seriously laugh when I hear about relationship books saying you should have a 3 month, 6 month, 183 day rule.  It's stupid.  I can't place a numerical time limit on sex. That's so unnatural & contrived.  Sex to me is the total opposite.  If it happens prior to a relationship, then so be it.  I'll never let it hinder me from getting into a relationship with someone.

With that being said, I love the comfort of making love to someone that is solely mine.  & a lot of people may argue that just because you have the title of boyfriend & girlfriend, doesn't mean that person will honor it.  Regardless, if I'm calling you my boyfriend, my man, my king, I'm comfortable.  It means we agreed to be exclusive & I'm trusting you to respect that.  We are in a relationship, a committed one at that, so I'm going to enjoy that comfort.  Sex & all.

When I found myself in a situationship, it drove me bat shit crazy.  Comfort was nonexistent. There were no rules or boundaries.  He could've up & left at any given moment, because at the end of the day, we weren't together. 

I'd watch him flirt with other girls & get pissed at him.  Then turn around & get pissed at myself, all the while confused. Truthfully, I didn't have a right to get mad.  We weren't together.  We were just in a situation, 'talking'.  Not even dating, but just dealing with each other.  There wasn't shit I could do.  He knew that & took full advantage of it.

I think he truly enjoyed it.  He was straddling the fence.  One leg was on the single side, the other was on the relationship side & his mood determined which side he was on.  Though I tried to do the same, I couldn't.  I'm not built for that 50/50 bullshit. I want it all.  The relationship.  The title.  The pet names.  The dates.  The cuddling.  The deep talks.  I want my own man & to be his one & only.  But situationships could give two fucks about what you want because what you're going to get is chilling, long talks about nothing, & a guy who fits the bill physically. 

Oh yeah & sex.  Lots & lots of sex.

After it ended, I realized that I gave him girlfriend privileges when I didn't have the title of a girlfriend.  It's something I see a lot of my friends do, give their partner privileges when their partner doesn't deserve it.  Here you are working hard to impress this person, when in reality, they're not even worried about losing you.  Why in the hell would anyone commit to someone when they're already giving them the benefits of being together?  What sense does that make?  At this point, they're not getting just the cow; they're getting the whole fucking farm for free.

Don't give girlfriend privileges to temporary men.

I hate the term 'talking'.  I think it's a lazy way of skipping out on dates.  You want me?  We're not going to 'talk'.    We're not going to chill in your apartment & watch movies until you get horny enough for us to have sex.   We're going to go out on dates.  We're going to actually converse about politics & your future plans.  We're going to debate on whether or not Wale fell off after he joined MMG & if Lauryn Hill is the best female rapper of all time.  We're going to talk about our pet peeves, work, & families.  We're going to discuss what countries we've been to & what countries we want to visit.  We're going to flirt & catch each other looking at one another throughout the night.  We're going to hold hands & kiss at the end of the night.  We're going to connect & date, not fucking 'talk'.  That's high school, graduate into adulthood.

My love is strong; too strong to waste on a man who's straddling the fence. & I won't settle.  I deserve commitment & a relationship. I don't deserve confusion & 50/50.  This whole no strings attached bullshit that I find more & more people settling into isn't for me.  I need strings, attachment & all.  I deserve that shit. I'm worth it.

If you're in a situationship & it works for you, I'm happy for you. 

If you're in a situationship & you hate it, leave.  I'm sorry to say, it won't get any better.  Waiting around for that title is terrible.  & while you're waiting, your other half is out there riding that fence like a damn bull.  They may come around, they may not.  But are they really worth waiting around for? Especially when they even don't see you're worth the commitment of a relationship? 

Know your worth, even if the person you care deeply about doesn't.  Think about it.

 

xoxo,

BSG