I apologize that this post is all over the place. Usually I'm very meticulous about my shit, but being that I wrote this while I was drunk, there are a few errors. While I did think about going back & editing my work, I realized that it would take away what I was trying to convey.
I was angry, frustrated, & pissed. This is more than my usual blog post.
This is a rant.
Casual sex is overrated.
Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking when it comes to relationships & the opposite sex. After my last post, I've been feeling a little lost because I've given up on the idea of monogamy. It's hard for me to even think about intimate relationships when I've pretty lost all hope in them.
It's like where do I go from here?
Which way is up?
I'm infamous for repeating myself, but here it is again; I cannot do casual relationships, especially if there is sex involved. & I'm speaking from experience. I'm really not just pulling this out of my ass.
Every woman has a past & I'm no different. Majority of the men I've slept with were in long term relationships with me. I had strong feelings for them & I believe (& hope) that they were mutual. At the same time, there have been times in my life where I've found myself in a situationship where sex WAS involved.
Now, I've never had an one night stand... That's something I probably won't ever do. I have, however, had casual sex & every single time I found myself growing more & more disgusted. I was never satisfied & it started to make me dislike the person I was messing around with.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), all of the men I've been with eventually do want to take things further. & I find myself saying yes just to justify the fact I had sex with them when I truly wasn't feeling them like that.
Fortunately (or unfortunately, again, depending on how you look at it), this has only happened twice in my life. I can't say I have a crazy ass sex life, because there have only been a few I've been with. & while some may call me a prude, I won't apologize. This is how I am. I've tried to force myself to change, but I really can't. It is what it is.
So that's why I say casual sex is overrated, at least to me. This brings me to the reason why I wanted to write this post.
Lately I've found more & more men bragging on their dick.
"I have a big dick."
"I can fuck you like no one else."
"This shit will have you crawling walls."
"I can last for hours."
& all that other corny shit you dudes brag about that doesn't impress me.
One trick ponies.
Honest to God, if you really think that because you THINK you're good at sex, I'm going to bow down & beg you to sleep with me, you are fucking stupid. It's equivalent to men saying women are always bragging on how they can twerk. You aren't doing or saying anything special nor are you saying anything that I haven't heard before.
Congratulations on your big dick. Go start a club.
If you can't offer me anything besides a few strokes, explain to me why that is something to be proud of? Why is that something that I should break my neck to get? You aren't special. You can't even hold a decent conversation, but OH WAIT A MINUTE, you can make me have an orgasm.
Well you think you can make me have an orgasm.
& that's what you pride yourself on. That's all you have to bring to the table? A hard dick & mediocre conversation?
One thing about it, guys always want you to think they're different than the next. That they are so damn special & unique from the others. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you're not. If I wanted sex or a well endowed man, I know exactly where I could get it. Stop bragging on shit that I can find at Walmart. You look stupid.
You got a dick so big that even Mandingo is jealous? Cool. So what was your GPA in high school?
You can fuck me better than the last guy? Awesome. What are your plans for the future?
You can make me crawl my walls, scream your name, & call you daddy? That's what's up. What exactly are you majoring in at college?
You can last for hours on end & won't stop until I get mine? Great! So explain to me what's your biggest regret in life?
Sex does not impress me. Your dick size doesn't impress me. Hell, I really could careless how you are in bed. That's not what's going to keep me interested in you. Guys really dismiss the fact that the quickest way to a woman's heart is through her damn brain.
At least for me.
If you can't carry on a simple conversation with me without bringing up sex, then I'm not the one for you. If you can't flirt with me without having a sexual undertone, then I'm writing you off. Being that I'm not impressed with casual sex or sex in general, it's very easy for me to fall back when I start to notice that all you seem to care about is getting in bed with me.
I believe that the guys who constantly do this suffer from some sort of low self esteem. You don't have anything else to bring to the table besides your penis. Like your worth is what's in your pants & I'm so unimpressed. It's nothing to be proud of & most certainly nothing to brag about.
You're just a carbon copy of every other man out here who's trying to charm my pants off & it's not going to work.
Several months ago I made a promise to myself that I was going to remain celibate for several different reasons. The biggest one was because I finally realized I wasn't the type of woman who could sleep with just anyone. When I broke my celibacy I was very upset with myself, because it wasn't with someone who I was in a committed relationship with. I gave in to temptation & I felt weak because of it.
It dawned on me that I really wasn't ready to make a commitment as strong as celibacy. I really shouldn't have taken it as lightly as I did.
So rather than trying to commit myself to something as serious as celibacy, I'm going to lock it down. Like my boo BK said, I'm going to be selfish with myself, physically, emotionally, & mentally.
There comes a time where you realize that you are in fact, different than most. Not better, but different. I have been searching for monogamy for awhile now & I've noticed I've been trying to force it with men who aren't deserving & every single time they let me down. There's nothing worse than finding out the dude you were crushing on isn't what you built him up to be. That he is a legit one trick pony.
Now it's time for me to chill out. I'm tired of searching & sick of being disappointed in others & myself. I think this is why I gave up on monogamy, rather than accepting that I might be the problem. That I'm the one searching through peasants who only know one trick, trying to change them into kings. It doesn't work that way.
You cannot build a king, they build themselves. The only thing you can do is help them, but it is truly up to them whether they want to wear that crown.
You one trick ponies don't impress me. I really do think that you all are pathetic. If all you want to be known for is what you have between your legs, then I really pity you.
& trust me, girls talk...
You might be proud that you're known for your penis, but please believe it's not what you think. Just like men try & clown women for sleeping around, us women do the same. & once we find out you messed with the bougawolf on the block, you know the one who looks like Eddie Murphy with a wig on, you're getting clowned & definitely dismissed as a man who will stick anything with a hole.
That shit definitely isn't cute, boo.
Casual sex is overrated.
& I'm not trying to find any one trick ponies to ride.